So obviously Lil’ Wayne is on the pill parade, cuz his last few mixtapes have had some downright bizarre, drugged-out nonsense on them. On “I Feel Like Dying,” he claimed he was “playing touch football on marijuana street.” On “Ride 4 My Niggas,” he was “probably in the sky, flying with the fishes/or deep in the ocean, swimming with the pigeons.” And anyone over the age of three who feels comfortable uttering the phrase “I am poo-poo meaning I am the shit on you turds” clearly (or hopefully) is abusing something mind-altering. But in the midst of the Cam’ron/Dali-esque melting-clocks tripped-out wordplay comes “Leather So Soft,” the collabo with business partner/worthless rapper/possible gay sugar daddy Birdman.
Rather than come with more shit like “gee golly gigabytes in a gorillas hand,” Weezy just wants to let you know…(you guessed it) how soft his leather is. Presumably we should be impressed. Audio proof: “Leather So Soft”(MP3). Seriously. His leather is …. soft? Awesome. My glove compartment clicks shut.
Inspired by this fucking retardo boast, Tyco and I decided to go all RAPSTRADAMUS and predict what some other rap dudes upcoming boasts will be. At least 75% of these will come true. You heard it here.
Joe Budden: “My mom says I’m a catch!”
Lloyd Banks: “I hi-fived Eminem once!”
Tony Yayo: “I hi-fived Lloyd Banks once!”
Little Brother: “Bill Cosby likes us!”
Lupe Fiasco: “Pharrell taught me how to ollie!”
Busdriver: “I know pi to 32 digits!”
Saigon: “My tank top is ribbed!”
Kanye: “I got John Tesh in the studio!”
Sheek Louch: “My watch has a calculator on it!”
The Game: “My DVD is $8.99 at Best Buy!”
KRS-One: “I’M ON KOCH!!!!!!!!”
Jay-Z: “In all seriousness, I own you.”