Monthly Archives: June 2007

Gucci Flip-flops! K-mart Goggles!

So obviously Lil’ Wayne is on the pill parade, cuz his last few mixtapes have had some downright bizarre, drugged-out nonsense on them. On “I Feel Like Dying,” he claimed he was “playing touch football on marijuana street.” On “Ride 4 My Niggas,” he was “probably in the sky, flying with the fishes/or deep in the ocean, swimming with the pigeons.” And anyone over the age of three who feels comfortable uttering the phrase “I am poo-poo meaning I am the shit on you turds” clearly (or hopefully) is abusing something mind-altering. But in the midst of the Cam’ron/Dali-esque melting-clocks tripped-out wordplay comes “Leather So Soft,” the collabo with business partner/worthless rapper/possible gay sugar daddy Birdman.

Rather than come with more shit like “gee golly gigabytes in a gorillas hand,” Weezy just wants to let you know…(you guessed it) how soft his leather is. Presumably we should be impressed. Audio proof: “Leather So Soft”(MP3). Seriously. His leather is …. soft? Awesome. My glove compartment clicks shut.

Inspired by this fucking retardo boast, Tyco and I decided to go all RAPSTRADAMUS and predict what some other rap dudes upcoming boasts will be. At least 75% of these will come true. You heard it here.


Joe Budden: “My mom says I’m a catch!”


Lloyd Banks: “I hi-fived Eminem once!”


Tony Yayo: “I hi-fived Lloyd Banks once!”


Little Brother: “Bill Cosby likes us!”


Lupe Fiasco: “Pharrell taught me how to ollie!”


Busdriver: “I know pi to 32 digits!”


Saigon: “My tank top is ribbed!”


Kanye: “I got John Tesh in the studio!”


Sheek Louch: “My watch has a calculator on it!”


The Game: “My DVD is $8.99 at Best Buy!”


KRS-One: “I’M ON KOCH!!!!!!!!”


Jay-Z: “In all seriousness, I own you.”

2 Comments

Filed under Posted by Doorknobs, Posted by Tyco, RAP MUSIC

RE-ASSESS: Junior Boys

So normally with a re-assess the interesting/motivational force would be the opinion needle moving from UMMM, DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE, THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUCKING JERMAINE JACKSON to something more like WAIT, I WAS WRONG – THIS MAKES ME WANNA JUMP IN A KIDDIE POOL AND HI-FIVE PEOPLE!! The 180-ness of it all making you wanna yell about it from the nearest mountain top and/or weblog. This Last Exit thing is very NOT THAT, though. Just for clarification.

Back in my super ILM-trolling day, I saw the good amount of rallying around the first JB album (and the preceding EPs). And, of course, the ‘fork review. I listened with what I remember as open ears. I waded through comments about the bonus disc remixes being “perfunctory.” I considered as interneterz said stuff like, “It’s like Timbaland doing 2-step, but, like, GLITCHY” (paraphrase, obvs). But this shit just DID NOT RESONATE.

My appreciation/enjoyment was frustratingly arms-length. It was: “yeah, yeah this is ‘good’, I get it.” It seemed like a little bit of everything everyone was saying it was; it was skating by on neat-o reference points and the fact that it was SMART dance music (not to be confused with INTELLIGENT dance music. OOF). Something seemed missing to me — a lot seemed missing, actually. This shit was DREARY. It wasn’t Dance and it wasn’t Pop. Nothing was shining, nothing screamed. I tried a few times, even bought the CD (with the perfunctory remixes)…then shelved it.

That was 2004 or so. Which, fuck, seems like not that long ago. In any case, skipping past all kinds of personal and music nerd listening habit history, I’ve been listening to Last Exit a bunch recently. And it’s basically a whole new ballgame. I’d really rather not get into what about the way I’ve “grown” or whatever has made the sonics of LE more palatable, so if we could let that slide, that’d be cool.

Point is: the “moodiness” as a function of the muted sounds on this record can be seriously GORGEOUS and ENGAGING and, umm, GREAT if you just set yr expectations on stun. A few things:

The Drums: Unlike newer JBs (see So This is Goodbye), the drums are skittery and, YES, bordering on IDM! It’s a Squarepusher-on-downers kind of thing. The difference here is all that shuffling, the clipped snares, etc. are there to create SPACE for BREATHY, PILLOW SYNTH-Y POP. And you know what, yeah I even hear some TIMBALAND. I said it.

The Mood: Okay, yeah, it’s not Katrina & the Waves but fuck if this sputtery r&b synth can’t also be IMMEDIATE. There’s the whispering vox to contend with (not a small feat, if yr looking for melody IN YOUR FACE), but LE lives on the sexy and SAD end of the pop matrix. It’s rainy-day pop rather than drivin’ 55 pop, but POP nonetheless. (Don’t wanna overuse the P word, but it needs to be said and re-said that this ain’t just “electronic” music.)

Ok so this is my first real post on the Pinky and I don’t wanna get carried away. Welcome to the terror tome, suckas.

3 Comments

Filed under Pop, Posted by Doorknobs, Re-assess

The first time you sniff it, it might hurt your nose

sigel1.jpg

Here are a few things I know about Beanie Sigel:

He’s from Philadelphia. He’s been to jail many times. The covers of all three of his studio albums show him posing inside or directly outside of some type of jail. On his first two albums, he had songs called “What Your Life Like” and “What Your Life Like Pt. II” where he snarled stuff like “What you know about a jailhouse hunger strike? Or hearing grown men moan at night?” He’s pudgy. Jadakiss, in a shortlived rap battle, pointed out that Sigel was a “fat smelly motherfucker.” Beanie muttered a few threats back, but didn’t bother to correct him.

He really really likes fellow Philadelphian and gremlin-voiced rapper Peedi Crakk (who tried changing his name to Peedi Peedi to be more kid-friendly and then changed it back when he realized this was stupid.)

Sometimes Beanie rhymes the same word with the same word, a la “Don’t talk shit sideways outta your mouth/I’ll slap spit sideways outta your mouth.” “Spit” is a very apt metaphor for how Beanie raps: I wouldn’t want to be near him in a recording booth. Last April he canceled a rare Knitting Factory show because of an “emergency toothache.”

His next and rumored to be last album, “The Solution,” is scheduled to drop this summer. One song samples “War Pigs” by Sabbath. You should maybe go buy that.

1 Comment

Filed under Posted by Tyco, RAP MUSIC

…Cost about fitty!

Let’s do this! Candy helicopters and shit!

Leave a comment

Filed under Posted by Doorknobs, RAP MUSIC